Often, we are unaware of how these experiences impact our lives on even the smallest levels. One of the stories I like to share that underscores just how deeply our childhood influences our adult behaviors involves one of my friends and her dear husband, who has an affinity for using a lot of dish soap when he washes the dishes. To protect their identity, even though there is no shame in any of our childhood stories—we did not choose our caregivers—let’s call this wonderful couple Mary and Brian. One day, as Mary and I engaged in conversation about the husbands we loved but who annoyed us so much, she shared, “I just walked past the kitchen, and Brian is in there washing dishes. Girl, the bubbles are literally overflowing out of the sink! I just don’t know why he has to use so much dish soap and make such a mess!” Ever the friend who equally complained about such trivial matters, I laughed: “Well, at least he’s doing the dishes!” “Seriously,” Mary said. “He’s been doing this ever since we got married. It’s so annoying and unnecessary.” Upon realizing this was a true sore spot for her, I inquired, “Well, have you ever asked him why he does that?” A few days later, she told me that she did indeed ask Brian about his obsession with dish soap bubbles and was moved to discover why. Although he was now successful and quite wealthy, Brian had grown up poor. Raised by his grandmother in the Deep South, most of their household items were purchased at dollar stores and, even then, had to be used in moderation. Whenever Brian washed the dishes, his grandmother only let him use minuscule amounts of dish soap, just enough to clean the dishes and never enough to make bubbles. So, now that he is an adult, he buys the best dish soap and enjoys making as many bubbles as he wants. Whereas my friend Mary sees a mess, Brian finds fulfillment in bubbles overflowing out of the sink and enjoys an experience he longed for but never got to delight in as a child. As you begin the self-discovery of learning about why you have more than you need, think about how your childhood experiences may have knowingly or unknowingly influenced your behaviors. Think about what your caregivers determined were necessities and how they went about both acquiring and managing them. Consider how they prioritized their spending to meet your family’s needs versus fulfilling their personal wants. Reflect on how your circumstances with abundance or scarcity may be influencing your current decisions.
